i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
