no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
