btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
