Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
