Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
