real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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