google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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