Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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