So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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