dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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