can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
