you guys were way drunker than both of me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
