I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
