I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
