god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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