Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
