her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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