My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
