Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
