Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
