I bet he comes in French.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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