Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
