when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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