He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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