Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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