Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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