i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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