the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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