I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
