i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
