I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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