god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
