I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
