Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
