sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
