So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
