is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
