good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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