it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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