he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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