Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
