I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
