I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
