I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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