We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
