My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Help. Why am I so naked?
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