I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
