I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
