Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
