Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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