i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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