U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
